


Not like this

by NadaNoodle



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Asylum, Chara Possessing Frisk, F/M, Female Chara (Undertale), Female Frisk, Ghost Chara, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, in fact I think there's no ending, like don't read this if the contents disturb you, no happy ending, sans is worried, this isn't your everyday romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 07:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13231002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadaNoodle/pseuds/NadaNoodle
Summary: Frisk couldn't afford to see their pitiful expressions. Especially Sans, she doesn't want him to see her in this state.Not like this





	Not like this

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
> 
> I hope you guys will have a great 2018! And celebrating this new beginning, here's a family friendly Frans fic that's not for kids! :D
> 
> I intended to have this uploaded on new year's eve, buuuuut I didn't finish it early :/  
> And for those of you waiting for Useless Pet- I'm so sorry, but I lost inspiration for the next chapter, I won't abandon it! I just need a break. And get this idea off my mind (AND it's good way to practice!)
> 
> WARNING: like, take the tags seriously, if you're not good with any of the content (or you just don't like Sans/frisk) leave. And Thank you!

**_Hey, Frisky. Don't you think it's about time to wake up?_ **

****

Frisk gradually opened her eyelids, vision meeting the cold, dull colors of her room, then closing them again with a small grunt. She carefully turned to lay her stiff body on her back, the arm she slept on was now completely numb; she then brought her good hand to her eyes, rubbing them while sucking in some new air and breathing out the sleepy breath. With one last, gentle groan, the girl finally lifted her weight from the thin mattress.

Eyes still closed and brows furrowed, she gave them one last squeeze, savoring the last bit of sleepy silence before they fluttered open; for good.

 

**_Heehee…you sleepyhead_ **

****

The petite girl ignored Chara's usual teasing, she had taught herself to do so in order to cooperate with life like others do. She must admit though, it _is_ pretty hard having the ghost's thoughts emerged with her very own, and Chara happens to be an extremely talkative person, loves to ironically comment on everything she sees, and most importantly, _craves attention_.

The brunette blinked her eyes a few times, licking her dry, chapped lips. She turned her head to the window beside her, there was no morning sunshine, just a sad, grey sky. The so called "daylight" reflected on the silver padlock and chains that allowed the window to let out a gap of an inch. The lock reflected upon the girl's golden eyes, once so bright and full of life, but they now had lost their signature gleam, and became as dull as her cell, no hopes, no dreams; just the dark shadows of her thoughts and illusions lingering.

She pulled up a an oversized sleeve and scratched her forearm whilst yawning, and then quickly covered her small mouth before placing her bare feet, one after the other, on the icy cold floor. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she stretched her poor, sore muscles.

 

**_So…what are we going to do today?_ **

****

Frisk ignored the girl's question , trying to push the sweet tone of her voice as far as possible. She really wasn't up to this right now, she couldn't handle _Chara_ right now, all she's asking for is a some _silence,_ just some time for her, and herself alone.

But she knows that nearly impossible, even if she respected her request, Chara will eventually grow bored again and…do literally _whatever._ And Frisk had to admit, she did keep her from feeling lonely sometimes, and is a great way to kill time. Her stay at the mental asylum was utterly boring, refusing to speak with other patients like her even with the nurse's encouragements. But still- Chara is the cause of her endless headaches, her awful night terrors and the _sole reason she is here._

 

**_Me? The reason you're in this shithole? Please- nobody told you to listen to me, sweetie~_ **

****

Frisk silently grinded her teeth. Yes she _is_ , and she knows it. She's the reason she was separated from her family and friends, leaving them with the memory of their anxious faces burned in her mind. She's the reason why she's been here for _months_ now, leaving behind her ambassador duties, her education- _she has finals coming up damn it,_ and her home, her sweet, warm home, where she could watch Toriel- her mother, bake the famous butterscotch-cinnamon pie.

She clenched her stomach after its hungry growl. How much she wished to be locked in the prison of her loving embrace.

 

A few minutes later, some knocking was heard, followed with a female nurse's voice asking permission to come in; Frisk forced out a reply, followed with the sound of the door being unlocked. The staff here were very nice and patient with her, even if she once actually bit them during one of her "unstable" moments.

Her day will begin with someone supporting her to the wash room, after a short shower, she'll be taken back to her room accompanied with a nurse and breakfast, staying there with her until she finished, making sure she didn't steal any of the plastic ware given to her to avoid any self harm . After the meal, she'll be given medicine; it differs from time to time, based on her health, and she'd spend the rest of the day either staying in her cell or having the doctors running tests, or even a therapy session.

And honestly, she didn't know which one was better; being alone with Chara's menacing voices, her painful flashbacks of erased timelines letting herself dig her nails into her plush flesh, or having someone else with her, trying their best to save her from the dark feelings that fogged her mind, and risk Chara interfering, numbing her self-control and taking over, wanting to just "play" with them.

 

**_It's not my fault you're a horrible playmate_ **

****

Chara being in control…it's uncontrollable, once she had set foot into her body, it was over, she'd expect the worse.

 

Saying Chara's genocidal influences were the farthest she'd go completely underestimated her.

 

"Look at you!" the bird monster squealed, a sweet grin on her beak "You've completed your meal today- and you look so much better too!" she complimented, taking her food tray. Frisk barely ate anything, ever since she started spending her nights in this place she had lost her will to eat; it's not that the food is bad or anything, it's just…

 

**_Oh please, we all know you're just trying to starve yourself to death, Frisky~_ **

****

But today, she tried her best to act as healthy as possible because yesterday, one of the workers told her she'd be expecting visitors the day after.

It's a very beautiful thing, having her friends still think about her instead of abandoning her like she expected. But she felt…selfish, making them all worry and panic, their questioning gestures… it was so sad. She tried demanding them to stop the visits, to try and forget her, which made Toriel burst into tears from behind the glass wall separating them apart. She asked her if she didn't like living with her, if she wasn't good enough to be a parent, or if she felt different not having a father after her many past attempts to bring her and Asgore back together. She fell to her knees, face buried in her big hands and said it was her fault because she failed to love her and be by her side. And Frisk aggressively made the weeping woman promise her to never say those words again, and assured her that none of them were true. Because she _herself_ should be apologizing for making everyone think it's _their_ fault.

 

She even once came and announced that she and Asgore got back together, and will celebrate once she's released.

 

She was the one who left them puzzled with her unexplained acts, and when she tried to give a brief explanation, she'd end up saying nonsense instead, all because she didn't want to mention Chara to anyone, and the demon herself took advantage of that.

It started with simple nightmares, refusing to share them with her goat mother, then it was her self-conversations, which were actually her and her "partner", _but nobody knew that_. Afterwards, Chara demanded to borrow Frisk's body, wanting to feel her past mother's embrace, and the being the dense girl she was, Frisk kindly accepted, thinking it was a step to getting along with Chara, only to find her doing other hellish actions. Things then got twisted after that, Frisk and Chara's actions and wills became combined to the point that the human couldn't tell which were hers anymore. She would often black out, and find herself in Asgore's garden at midnight, flowers stuffed in her mouth. And sometimes she would be wide awake, but completely unaware of what she was doing to herself, she'd only hear Chara's loud whispers and watch, like watching a TV show, slowly slicing her arm.

 

She'd wake up some mornings with a new set of light cuts on her arms, which obliges her to wear a long sleeved shirt no matter what weather it was. And as the days passed, Chara's voice got louder, the cuts got deeper and the screams got louder. Her self control became long gone to the point she nearly stabbed her hand with a fork during dinner at Asgore's place. Thank god Undyne was quick to grab her wrist.

 

Alphys afterwards tried to talk to her, but Frisk spilled nothing- it was her problem, she couldn't let anyone else leave their happiness just to help her from her very own miseries. She worked hard for this ending, she even paid a _heavy price_ for their freedom, she can't ruin it for her friends. She can't let Chara ruin it. Not after all she'd been through.

She thought of resetting, but what if Chara could easily control her then? The last thing she wanted was another mindless genocide.

 

A couple of days later, she was taken to a therapist. And she tried, she really did try to be as honest as possible, knowing that she might help her; but nothing, Chara would always hold her back. She once forced herself to speak, and as fictional as it sounds, it was painful, as if her voice cords were being pulled back as she spoke.

 

She recalled Chara's screaming swears and threats in the car on her way back home, saying that if their little secret slipped out, death would be the most merciful punishment she would receive.

And the visions then came. At night, while she's still thinking that she's dreaming of the bloody floor of Judgment Hall, Chara's dead, decomposed body would linger in the darkest corners of her room. She would spend the night clawing her bed sheets, struggling to ignore the dead girl's echoing calls, tears streaming down, muttering and pleading her to leave, promising her she would do as she says. And with a blink of an eye, her dreadful hands would pull her into an embrace, the black-bloody liquid seeping from her eyes would pour on her neck and smear her jaw.

And Frisk would let out a scream that split her skull in two.

 

She woke up one night to drink a cold glass of milk after another nightmare, hoping it would soothe her, and heard Toriel's discussion with Asgore on the phone. She told him how her actions were almost identical to their first human child- _Chara_ , especially with the cuts, harsh responses, and that one time she mindlessly slapped Toriel's hand when she was trying to pat her head.

 

And the days passed. She stopped going to school, afraid she would hurt someone like she almost did to the therapist (Chara took control again and nearly stabbed her with the scissors she stole from a nearby desk, it took Frisk all of her strength to stop her) and Toriel agreed, hoping it would make her feel better. In the meantime, her friends would come over to keep her company while Toriel was gone, watching anime with Alphys, playing catch with Undyne, baking with Papyrus and gardening with Asgore. But what she didn't understand was why she wasn't feeling better, these were her friends- the ones she loved hanging out with and doing these activities, so why wasn't she happy to be surrounded with the ones she loved the most? Sure it was different with Sans not being around; the bonehead set to travel around the world way before these events even happened. Despite the sad side of her saying she missed her best friend, wishing he was here, the other felt happy that he was making his dream come true- and is far away from ~~Chara's~~ _her_ threats.

And the third side- _Chara's_ \- was more than relieved to have him gone.

 

 ** _"Hope he dies in a plane crash on his way back"_** Chara had snorted as they watched the monster leave for the flight.

 

It was a dream that Sans shared with her and _only_ her. She recommended saving money from the moment he talked about it, the lights in his eye sockets gleamed with joy before continuing the list of places he'll visit.

And the best part- _he was planning on taking her with him._

 _"can't leave my best friend with my bro's spaghetti."_ he joked after a few doubtful questions from Frisk. For years she helped him raise money (even when he told her to not to, besides, now that she thinks of it, where the hell he got such amount of money was a huge mystery to her). Unfortunately, the year he was finally leaving had to be her senior year, but still promised the young ambassador a special trip next year-just for her.

 

And Sans doesn't know. He doesn't know that his "kiddo" is now living in a mental asylum, often restrained and drugged after uncontrollable screams and attempts at biting her flesh off. He doesn't know the demon that's clouding her thoughts and finally succeeded in making her insane.

 

Because she wants him to be safe, she should make him worry about her while he's as happy as he could ever be, exploring the world he was entitled to. The hell she went through was almost completely for him, if she were to be honest with herself. And it only made her heart shatter listening to his depressive thoughts and dreams he confessed to her once.

And that's why, before she was sent to the asylum, she insisted on keeping all of this from Sans, and if he ever asked about her, she told her monster friends to make up _anything_. Frisk's phone was taken away or was dropped and broken, Frisk id studying and wants no one interfering. Just any damn excuse.

 

Frisk watched the bird leave her cell, she glanced back and gave the girl a reassuring smile before locking the door behind her.

 

**_Now, why shouldn't we break that freak's beak next time, eh, partner?_ **

 

"Not today,"Frisk for the first time today replied to Chara, "we're getting a visitor. And I know you're pretty bored, so please stay quiet. You could enjoy their company for once." Chara only huffed in disappointment.

 

**_And do what? Sit there like an invisible mannequin?_ **

****

Every day, Frisk never hesitated to wish for a drug that would put ghosts like Chara to sleep. She was always awake, day, night, literally _anytime_. She never sleeps… _almost_ never sleeps.

After spending years with Chara strictly stuck by her side, she noticed a pattern to her sleeping schedule, yes-she _did_ sleep, but only two or three days a month, and it happens unwillingly, as if she automatically shuts down.

And truth be told, it was relieving.

Yes, she would still have problems sleeping, imagining the possibility of Chara playing a nasty prank on her, and would lay wide awake, hysterically hugging her pillow, curled up in a corner, but she was free- _temporarily,_ but free.

She considered it a break.

 

Oh, there indeed was a time where Frisk saw good in Chara, she saw her as a lost girl, wanting to feel love again. She had always thought her grumpy attitude was because of _jealousy_. Jealous she gets to watch Frisk have a family and not her. Frisk tried confronting her, tried to comfort her, tried to become closer. And genuinely, she really wanted to help her in any way possible, she even wanted to talk Alphys into finding a way to separate them and make Chara a body of her own. Nevertheless, the demon girl completely refused the idea, and instead continued "drawing attention".

Around noon, Frisk- followed by her ghostly companion- was taken to where her usual visits are done, An empty room, divided by a glass wall, on each side was a chair, one for the patient, and one for their visitor. On the wall was a gap where small items were to pass through. Toriel once tried to hold her hand using that opening, but Frisk failed to reach it due to its height.

And that one time Papyrus tried throwing in a plate of his famous spaghetti, only to have the dish fall on the floor. He promised to make as much as she likes once she's released.

 

**_It was inedible anyways_ **

****

She sat on the plastic chair, hands on her lap. She really didn't like the visits, even if she was lucky to actually be allowed to see her family while others are limited to phone calls. Watching her friend's cheerful faces then falling after her unemotional expressions and silence. She couldn't bare looking at their looks of despair with those baggy eyes of hers anymore, it killed her more than anything else, yet…

 

Some voices were heard outside the room,

 

_she missed her mother's warm kisses and Asgore's tight hugs_

…after a brief conversation, ending with a "thank you",

 

_she missed jogging with Papyrus and Undyne_

…the door knob made a light groan as the guard turned it,

 

_She missed Anime Karaoke with Alphys and Mettaton_

 

…the guard from the other side pushed the door open, letting her guest come in.

 

_she missed being home_

****

**_Get real- who would want someone as messed up as you?_ **

****

**_You're staying here with me_ **

****

**_Just forget everyone else_ **

****

She slowly lifted her gaze to the incomer starting from their sneakers, then gradually going up…

 

And her breath hitched when she saw their face.

 

He was panting heavily, beads of sweat trickling down his face, brows furrowed, and his eyes, wide and shocked yet equally tired staring at her in silence.

 

Her lower lip quivered, eyes stinging as the tears started to blur her vision, maybe if she blinked them clean, they'll clear her vision and prove to her that this was only an illusion, nothing else but an image from her mind.

And she blinked, wiped her water filled eyes before reopening them, and the only thing that reflected her golden irises was her best friend's traumatized face.

 

**_This is going to be interesting_ **

****

"…kid?"

 

The nickname made her head jerk up, only to have their gazes locked for another eternity. Her throat went dry, and her hands dropped. Was it him? Is it really him? Why's he here!? What's he doing here? She thought she made it clear to everyone that he didn't need to know…but she can't…hide the fact that…

 

_She utterly missed her numbskull._

She sniffled, watching him ripping his gaze for a split second to look behind him, and sat on the chair, facing her. He said nothing and continued eyeing her form, not in a judgmental manner , but concerned. He leaned forward, elbow's resting on his knees, fingers tightly entwined together. His mouth was pushed against his two fists. Frisk only continued staring at him while he broke their eye contact by shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath before opening them again, gaze half lidded now "…kid," he repeated " is this…is _this_ why you didn't want to talk to me whenever i called?"

She couldn't help it. Tears streamed down her cheeks, it's been so long since she had heard his voice that it now seemed foreign to her ears. Her lips trembled, letting out broken whimpers. Was he mad? He should be. She lied to him. She even probably made him think that she was angry at him for not taking her with him. **_I think it was because you wanted to, uh, how did you put it? Oh yeah! To "protect" him?_**

Who the hell even told him?! But it didn't matter now, because at the moment, it seemed like Sans was waiting for an explanation, and she had _no clue_ how to begin, and when she tried to speak, that awful pain came back, and something grabbed her SOUL, clenching and clawing it, pulling it down. It almost felt like Sans' magic, but only _painful_ and _agonizing._

Chara chuckled in the background. She had been unpleasantly quiet these days now that she thinks about it, it worried Frisk- it could mean that she's most likely plotting something; and that something is never good. Even so, she tried to ignore her for the moment and focus on Sans, _who stood up, approaching the glass barrier._

Her heart thumping loudly with every step he made, adrenaline thumping through her veins; she swore that her chest was drowning with the seeping blood from her torn organs. It was too much for her, she can't handle this- _she can't breathe, she was sizzling, vision so blurry…_

Sans' figure paused to the barrier's limit, his eye sockets now went pitch black, she found herself staring into the its dark void, the only time she saw them since their freedom was in her worst nightmares, _oh so menacing, so ready to tear her apart._ But his look right now, was different from the one she knows, he looked at her with sincere _pity._

She couldn't take it anymore, she was getting dizzy, she felt like vomiting the _bl ood that filled her lungs._

_She doesn't feel ~~real~~ an ymore._

_She didn't want anybody to see her._

_She didn't want him to see her._

_Not like this._

__

_Her hand elevated to her mouth_

"…frisk…" he whispered.

 

_She gently bit the tips of her nails, slowly chewing them_

"…frisk?" he said in a much louder tone, the lights in his sockets returned.

 

**_Heh, losing it already, partner?_ **

****

****

With one quick bite, her teeth sunk into her flesh, the copper flavor of her blood reaching her buds, and no matter how hard she bit, _she felt nothing._ Opening her eyes, a hazy view of Chara's oozing grin appeared, while Sans' distant yells, his fist banging on the transparent surface, his left eye blazing an alarmed cyan blue.

She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't if she really _was_ doing it. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't feel. And when she finally collected her senses, she inhaled sharply before collapsing on the floor holding her injured hand, a gush of agony hitting her while she cried, and she heard Chara's echoing giggles.

 

And Sans' calling.

 

"I'm okay!" she cried, trying to reassure him.

 

"hell if you are! i'm getting a nurse-"

 

He stopped his sentence, watching Frisk scrambling to her feet, stumbling to the glass and used it for support. Sans silently observed the girl, his breath hitched at the site of the nasty bite. She was currently staring at her feet, unsure if she should rip her eyes from them.

Her puffy, red eyes eventually rose, she sniffled before her sobs burst out. And she felt so weak, so _vulnerable_ in front of him right now, so pathetic… _is this really the Underground's hero?_

"frisk…frisk look at me," he ordered, he'd never call her by her name unless it was something serious "what the actual _hell_ happened when i was gone?"

She looked up at him. Oh, if only it were that simple, she would tell him everything. Every. Single. Detail. She would wrap her hands around him, tell him all her horrible experiences, tell him how much she wanted to go home, how much she missed his horrible puns. She would tell him how she's not herself anymore, and why she wanted him as far as possible from this mess. _Her_ mess.

Despite everything, she only sobbed, and dropped her forehead on the cold surface.

 

_And she heard an isolated yawn._

Chara.

 

It was Chara.

 

No wonder she was awfully quiet these days.

 

She's getting tired.

 

_She's falling asleep._

"you don't belong here," Sans continued, raising his hand to place it on the surface "you're supposed to be with us- back _home_."

She looked back and forth at his hand and his encouraging smile, and slowly lifted her own, bloody hand, gently placing it atop of his larger one, he admired her while she adjusted her fingers to match his. The corners of her mouth peaked a little when her eye caught the khaki sleeve of his jacket, she had bought him that before his flight to "keep him warm". But she had to admit, his signature blue one looked way better on him.

And they stayed like that for an amount of time that felt like an eternity, did time suddenly freeze? Or was it his magic? Either way, she silently enjoyed their moment, feeling the tight grasp of her SOUL dissolve, feeling her injury sting, and letting out shaky breaths as her tears dried. She looked back at Sans, who had a small smile, his weight still against the barrier between them, as if he wanted to faze through it.

 

Chara's presence. It was _gone._

Her eyes widened at her realization, she quickly lifted her head, Sans jerked his in surprise, looking at her, confused.

 

She looked back at their hands, and took a deep breath, collecting her determination.

 

"tell me everything," Sans said "i know you're not like this, i know that there's a good explanation for all of this mess."

 

…

 

"S-she won't-won't let me." she stuttered.

 

Sans tilted his head, puzzled. She has to be more clear, it was hard on her, yes, and it happened before- whenever she'd get the chance to explain herself she'd hesitate, afraid of the consequences. But now, she **had to.** For the sake of her life, her sanity, her _friends._ She'll get out of here. She really will.

 

Her head pounded, it felt like it was splitting in two, her chest tightened, her breath shook, her view hazy…

 

Her ears became deaf to Sans' voice, she felt sleepy, she felt dizzy, she mouthed words but she didn't know what they were.

 

And she fell limp onto the floor.

 

All she saw was Sans dashing out the door before completely blacking out.

 

 

 

 

 

**_This is going to be fun :)_ **

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> //sweats
> 
> So I wanted to write about my OTP, welp, I'll just cross that off my to do list ^^'
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this (WHO THE F**K WOUL ENJOY SOMETHING AS HORR-) and have a great year!
> 
> My Tumblr for Asks, messages, etc. : https://nada-noodle.tumblr.com/
> 
> Comments are more than welcomed btw!


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